Fake Lesbians Fail

This was not only the summer of Pinkberry, it was also the summer of the fake lesbians. Kate Perry, Lilo's new romance (yes, I'm naysaying that shit) and Scarlett makes out with Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen's new flick. 

Ladies: Unless you plan on fulfilling the suggested promise of a girl-on-girl kiss then you probably shouldn't do it. And I guess you could plan on that... But when celebrity hotties start making out that really lessens the impact of college coeds doing it and then WHAT WILL WE HAVE LEFT? 

What happened to real-lesbian artists? Lillith Fair? There may not have been hotpants at coffeehouse open-mic nights but at least there was crushing sincerity! 

Why I now kind of like Scarlet Johansson

Aside from decidedly not seeing him in Just Friends, Ryan Reynolds really never made much of an impact on my psyche except for the fact that he was once involved with Alanis Morissette. (Oh man, my psyche.) But then he wrote this article for The Huffington Post, "Why I'm Running the New York City Marathon" and now I think he is just so endearing and wonderful. The article is funny and touching and he seems like a good guy you would get a beer with and cuff on the shoulder tenderly. 

In fact, I'm so full of warm and fuzzy feelings that I've changed my mind about Scarlett Johansson. After reading this article I can imagine them making jokes together that are actually funny while making pancakes and whenever Scarlett makes her classic pained face, Ryan can pull a snack out of his pocket and say something hilarious. She even looks pretty adorable in this picture. 

I love Mean Girls but...

Someone recently sent me a link to this article on jezebel that refers to another article in the London Sunday Times (O, web content!) where women like myself are chastised for disliking Keira Knightley. 

LST writer Watson accuses women of Mean Girls type behavior, claiming that the reason that we hate Keira is why we hated pretty girls in high school. That is to say, pure jealousy. Watson wags a finger at us and tells us we do the world a disservice. Why can't we all just get along? 

Seriously? Of course I'm jealous. Yes, part of the reason it is difficult for me to love Keira and Kirsten is because things seem easy for them. They're my age and have money and good looks and don't I wish I had those things too. But everyday we are asked to worship something different and out of our reach. "Look at Scarlett! Want her! Want to be her! And then pay money to see her movies and buy her clothes and her makeup!" How can we be reproached for not loving everything that comes our way?

Women are asked to do many things: some combination of being mothers, career women, intelligent and beautiful. We are held to a very high standard — that being as close to awesome celebrities as possible — and so we hold stars to very high standards in return. When women such as Sienna Miller and Kate Moss seem promiscuous or don't appear to do that much, women may start to wonder why we are working so hard. Sometimes some women crack and hatred can get out of hand. We are humans and we aren't always nice. But the thing about telling our girlfriends that we don't think Keira can act is that Keira will never know we said that. Most women do not take the photos of the cellulite of the stars and write terrible things about them in magazines and online. A member of the media, who constantly profits off of the objectification of these women, should not try to shame me for wanting to get into a fistfight with Scarlett Johansson.*

*UPDATE: ScarJo is no longer the main contender for hand-to-hand celebrity combat.